October 08, 2009
I came across this line from a book today:
"Lord, if I can't be thin, make all my friends fat."
I so wish this selfish prayer could put my broken esteem together. You see, ever since I'm getting that comments on my bloating, I've become so stress out and sad. Getting my unbloated shape back have become an obsession. I've been doing some countermeasures since the last week of September. Right now, I am so down because I didn't see any result. Actually, I expected this already but somehow, it's still heartbreaking. I badly want to gain my old shape back. With the Halloween approaching, I know I just have to lose some pound in order not to gain more ridicule on my bloated shape. Oh! I just hate being like this. If only I could just numb myself on anyone's comments then maybe, I would be better. Maybe, I wouldn't be feeling so stress out by a simple comment on my bloated shape. Hay..But I just can't. Living on someone's standard had been my constant way of life since then. Changing it suddenly now would make me lose my pace. I just can't change a pattern of behavior so suddenly and personally, I don't want to change it actually. With that in mind, I think I should be exerting more effort on my goal of getting my old unbloated shape back. From here on, I would be doing it my way now. No other's way anymore. Aja! Hehe!
So much for that bloating talk..hehe!
While I was on the jeep bound to office today, I seat across a woman with 5 children. I assumed the children she was with are her offsprings. Their age gap might just be around a year. I think the eldest would be 7. Looking at her makes my heart aches. She's seem so stress out. She had 2 children setting on her lap, both I think were still unable to walk.
That woman makes me think of my own future. She makes me scared and restless.
The thought about the woman is replaced by thoughts about Migo's lateness. It just pops out of my head when I saw the traffic light. I'm really sad about not being able to do something. We actually had a talk about it before. Migo's reasons convince me that I should leave him out of it. That's why I stopped caring. Anyway, it's his career life, not mine. But something is making me relive that issue again. This time, I knew I had to do something. I'm still at a lost of a way on how to do it. Haaayyy!
That thought of Migo gives way to this deduction: What if the punishment for incurring 4 lates a month be abolish, would the employees be honest enough to actually log on the actual time they arrive and not have someone log them?
My answer above is yes. I think people just resort to this dishonesty because that late punishment is really a hassle. If management will just abolish and replace it with something more rewarding than punishment, then maybe it might work. Instead of punishing the late comer, why not give due recognition to the early birds?!
The current system is leaving the early birds unnoticed while forcing the late comer to dishonesty. The punishment might sound like a push for late comer to be early but as I have observe, it brought no more than dishonesty. Something should really be done about this.
I suggest that the punishment would be abolish. The late count of employees would increase. During that month when the late is high, the management should have a meeting with the late comer employees. The objective of the meeting is to get the reasons why they are always late. Then the reasons would be analyzed. From there, a new policy should be made in order to cater the needs of the greater late employees. From this, I am assuming that since an inquiry has already been made and it seems the management is concerned by it's employees need, then maybe, the late comer would be ashamed of being late anymore. Haha! That is of course, just my own deduction. Hehe! Who knows, it might work :D The only way to test if it will is to try it. Anyways, there's really nothing to lose. Hehehe!
waaaaaaaa..dugaya nako nahuman ani na blog oi..samok au ang project meeting gud :)) hahaha! the following entry sa ubos ky gi make nako sa balay gabii when I am in the sapot mood due to my mom and bro's away moves..hay...
At Madame's Bhaus in Sambag
State: Dodong and I just came from Uling riding dumptruck..scared shit at Plaza Independencia..walkingin the middle of the street at Cathedral's corner before seeing a taxi..tsk..tsk! --------
Family gatherings suck. I once told a friend that it is the reason why I opted to celebrate birthdays with friends rather than with them. Actually, I don't feel well around them because it seems I cannot act according to what I want. I always need to calculate my every move inorder to keep them happy. It's so tiresome and stressful.
My hesitation to celebrate birthdays with my family was really more of my personal preference. It is something that I wanted to do. But after tonight's event, I think it would no longer be a want but a neccessity. I think that if I will just be nice to myself, I should distance myself from my venomous mom. She's really someone that I should avoid having closer contact with inorder to keep my sanity.
Ever since, a part of me is already at an ill with my mom. There were times in the past that I kept asking myself if mom's supposed to be devilish. For always, the good side of me reasoned that devilishways for a mom is just common. Up to now, that good side continues to feed my hope that one day,mama's devilish ways will vanish if I'll just continue being nice and always submissive to her demands and wants. Yet tonight, the good side of me is overpowered by that ill part. That ill part is telling me that I'm such a fool for believing goody's reason, which in fact, in my mind, I knew that it's unreasonable.
So starting tonight, I'll no longer let goody talk me into something unneccessary. Something that would cost me more pain than happiness. I will no longer let that soft part of me be manipulated by Mama's devilish ways again. I should be insensitive to her now. I should not let her ruin me. She had done it once already. I can't believe I totally forgot about it. Tsk. Tsk. What happened tonight should remind me that even if I would give my whole life to her, she would just remain an ungrateful devilish mom who never think of anything but her wants. I'm jealous of you having a mom unlike mine. So sad. I wonder what would I be if I don't have a mom like her? She told Dodong and us that we would be nothing if it were not for her..hmmmmm! Haaaayyyy! I really can't understand her.
She's giving me the creeps of having my own child in the future. I'm afraid that because of my
prolonged agony with her, I can never ever be a good mom to my children or worst,I could never ever be a good wife to my husband. Haaayy!
To give you and idea of what happened tonight, let me start with...
Hay..I quit! My mind just shut down on me...
I don't wanna remember it...
It's just sad...I was even very excited for that birthday cake and everything..
I planned it to the very detail..I can't believe, she just took it for granted and whined her way to the point of driving Dodong away to the city. I hate them. Their acts tonight just intensify my personal preference of not celebrating special moments with them. Tsk. Tsk.---------
WHY I WRITE ABOVE
We went home to Uling because it's Mama's birthday.
Our plan was to stay for the night but due to Mama and Dodong's emotional outburst, Dodong decides to come back to bhaus immediately. Being a good sister, it's my duty to protect the welfare of my brother so I go with him. The argument Mama and Dodong had awakened a sleeping hatred in my heart. Thus, the talk above is born.
Tries to call Migo a number of times. I really needed someone to scream, talk and whine on. Failure. I will just sleep now. I would not talk to Migo today. I hate him. Transferring hate to Migo.
Bye..bye..off to dreamland...
this one ky blog for ASI's Sportsfest!
Sound of laughters and shouts greeted my entrance at Metrosports last Saturday, October 3. Being late, I was kind of hesitant to enter the arena fearing someone would note my lateness. The email sent by our HR specifically stated that ASI Sports Fest would start at 8:30 AM and the assembly would be at 8:00 AM. Aside from that, the night before Gamay asked me to help her with the registration so I really am supposed to be there early. Yet due to a late night movie, I woke up at 10:00 AM. Losing the chance to help Gamay and attendance in the opening ceremony.
Upon arrival, I then looked for Gamay and relayed my apology. After, I joined the crowd in wall climbing. It was tiresome but fulfilling and enjoyable. Here are some pictures during the event.
Badminton, Basketball and Dodgeball games are scheduled in the afternoon. Muse and cheering competition is supposedly scheduled in the morning but due to some circumstances, it was moved in the afternoon. I had fun playing badminton with Migo. I really had no intention of joining the competition but since there were no players available, Dea asked me to join.I played with Sir Marrione opposing Faith and Jantoy in the mixed doubles competition. We lose. Both players for the Red Team (our team) lose in the badminton competition. Joey and Migo lose the battle to the tandem of Sensei and Peter, who later become our Muse and Prince Charming of ASI Sportsfest 2009.
The basketball game was played along with the badminton game. The dodgeball game was scheduled right after the basketball game. Red team won in both basketball and dodgeball games.
In all, it was so much fun. The crowd was lovely. The atmosphere was filled with an aura of camaraderie and friendship. It all seems so perfect. For the first time, a sense of belongingness and pride crept over my body, it feels like home. I was actually looking forward to next year sports fest although I'm not that sure if I'll be here in ASI still.
medyo busy now..
i'll upload the pics soon..hehe!